Saturday, October 5, 2013

Being a total bitch

I have to get some things out of my head and typing them seems to be the best idea. First of all, Project Runway. The final three designers are Helen, Bradon, and someone else I don't even remember because I usually get bored and turn off the tv before the end. Anyway, Helen, what the fuck?? I've read that participating on a reality show is physically taxing, but the girl looks like she was buried two weeks ago and just dug up. Zombies are in and all but please. She is what happens when the creamy-skinned brunette look goes terribly wrong.

That pale, muddy skin stretched out over her emaiciated frame, those cracked lips from which only mean things come, this must be some sort of Halloween-themed plant. I ache to spray-tan her, give her blush and pink lip-gloss and ten BBQ dinners. There are always a couple of designers on the show with questionable personal styling choices (Gretchen's red lipstick springs to mind) but this is a distracting disaster.

Dom, on the other hand, is a dead ringer for Dora the Exploer all grown up and sophisticated, as one would expect after all that exploring, no? Oh yes, that is the other finalist and I imagine will be the winner. Alexandria Von Poopy-pants was the most classical fashiony, but she is out. I liked her last gothic butterfly dress and would wear that to get married in. If I were getting married to Doyle from the Misfits, which I totally would based purely on physical attraction. Not many tall, muscle-bound, age-appropriate goth guitarists out there.

Call me!

More bitchiness! Yahoo news decided to tell me that Gina Gershon was transformed into Donatella Versace for a new film. Well, I had to check that out. Guess what? Donatella may have somewhat resembled Gina with a long blonde wig sometime in the early 70s, but not since. In fact, Donatella is a great reminder to women of all ages to quit smoking and stay out of the sun, and eat sometimes otherwise your skin may disintegrate like hers. Millions and millions of dollars can't fix that. You may as well plop a curly wig on Natalie Portman and say she is me!

Whew, I feel so much better and can now go about my day only thinking positive thoughts, mostly involving naked Doyle. Mmmmmmmm.

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